I started writing this last weekend
but as usual time ran out ...
" I
have enjoyed my blogspot so, but sometimes I forget and let life get in the
way. As I have stated previously, I am not a prolific writer nor am I a journalist
nor do I want to be a journalist. I simply like to write what is on my mind,
kind of like writing about the Grinch who stole Christmas. Gosh what is on the
TV right now?
Lately, I
quite frankly have been touchier and grouchier as well. Sometimes I think that
I am handling my sisters impending death well but all of sudden I start crying
for no particular reason. This has had me somewhat bewildered.
You see I
got a call in October from my niece in Kentucky telling me my sister had
fallen, not sure whether it was a stroke, heart attack, or seizure. The
hospital quickly discovered that she had lung cancer that had spread into
brain. My sister always has been rather stubborn. As we in the family talk it
seems that this sudden collapse has been going for a long time, meaning years.
It does no good to try and figure out exactly when the problem started the fact
is she is going to die soon."
My sister
passed away last night or actually early this morning. We as a family have
survived the gamut of emotions since the diagnosis, anger, frustration,
fatigue, hope, and resignation.
My niece
has been soldiering on taking on the huge task of caring for her mother. I went
out to Kentucky and helped get the move started, plus setting my sister up in
my nieces home so she would not be left alone. Frustrations were caused by the
sheer enormity of what had to be done, as well as, the frustration of the
moving task itself. My sister had lots of antiques and lots of other stuff as
well. Hope was part of the plan, the hope that she could indeed lick this awful
monster. Fatigue for Meagan simply because of the continuous care needed
everyday and fighting the realization her mother was probably not going to
survive. Anger at Dr.'s who offered the hope of surviving longer if she took
the radiation treatments, which did not happen.
There is
a lesson here and I think Meagan taught us all one, take time out of your lives
to show those you love you care.
Somewhere
during this missive my mother is nodding her head and I'll bet anything Skip is
there too.
"Weep
not for me though I am gone;
into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will but not for long,
upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace,
my soul's at rest.
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was blessed;
for all those many years.
There is no pain,
I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts.
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath;
remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
but celebrate my life."
-- Constance Jenkins
Just this past weekend again I looked at the diamond bright glints in the recent ice crystals trying to figure out how to capture that which has captivated me for so long
"Do not stand at my grave
and weep,
I am
not there - I do not sleep.
I am
the thousand winds that blow,
I am
the diamond glints in snow,
I am
the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am
the gentle autumn rain.
As you
awake with morning's hush
I am
the swift-up-flinging rush
Of
quiet birds in circling flight.
Do not
stand at my grave and cry,
I am
not there - I did not die."
.JPG)
