Passing On

 I started writing this last weekend but as usual time ran out ...

" I have enjoyed my blogspot so, but sometimes I forget and let life get in the way. As I have stated previously, I am not a prolific writer nor am I a journalist nor do I want to be a journalist. I simply like to write what is on my mind, kind of like writing about the Grinch who stole Christmas. Gosh what is on the TV right now?

Lately, I quite frankly have been touchier and grouchier as well. Sometimes I think that I am handling my sisters impending death well but all of sudden I start crying for no particular reason. This has had me somewhat bewildered.

You see I got a call in October from my niece in Kentucky telling me my sister had fallen, not sure whether it was a stroke, heart attack, or seizure. The hospital quickly discovered that she had lung cancer that had spread into brain. My sister always has been rather stubborn. As we in the family talk it seems that this sudden collapse has been going for a long time, meaning years. It does no good to try and figure out exactly when the problem started the fact is she is going to die soon."

My sister passed away last night or actually early this morning. We as a family have survived the gamut of emotions since the diagnosis, anger, frustration, fatigue, hope, and resignation.

My niece has been soldiering on taking on the huge task of caring for her mother. I went out to Kentucky and helped get the move started, plus setting my sister up in my nieces home so she would not be left alone. Frustrations were caused by the sheer enormity of what had to be done, as well as, the frustration of the moving task itself. My sister had lots of antiques and lots of other stuff as well. Hope was part of the plan, the hope that she could indeed lick this awful monster. Fatigue for Meagan simply because of the continuous care needed everyday and fighting the realization her mother was probably not going to survive. Anger at Dr.'s who offered the hope of surviving longer if she took the radiation treatments, which did not happen.

There is a lesson here and I think Meagan taught us all one, take time out of your lives to show those you love you care.

Somewhere during this missive my mother is nodding her head and I'll bet anything Skip is there too.

"Weep not for me though I am gone;
into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will but not for long,
upon my soul's sweet flight.
I am at peace,
my soul's at rest.
There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was blessed;
for all those many years.
There is no pain,
I suffer not,
The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts.
In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath;
remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death,
but celebrate my life."

-- Constance Jenkins

Just this past weekend again I looked at the diamond bright glints in the recent ice crystals trying to figure out how to capture that which has captivated me for so long

"Do not stand at my grave and weep, 
I am not there - I do not sleep. 
I am the thousand winds that blow, 
I am the diamond glints in snow, 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 
As you awake with morning's hush 
I am the swift-up-flinging rush 
Of quiet birds in circling flight. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry, 
I am not there - I did not die."